just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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