there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
