Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
