I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
