Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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