Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
i now understand why vodka
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
