You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize