This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
