you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
