3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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