Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
