tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
