I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
