if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
