He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
