Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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