just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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