Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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