Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
