My friends, they love my intelligence
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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