i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
