Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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