Heybabeimwearingurpanties
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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