My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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