he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
