We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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