You're my little dorito
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
