Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
