so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
