do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
