For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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