I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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