i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Randomize
