She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
