so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
