thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Randomize
