i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
