meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
