Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
