one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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