grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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