i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
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Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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