please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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