he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
