Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
