***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
