just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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