Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
