Soap is not a condiment
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
