i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
