There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
