somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
