"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
