at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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