Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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