Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
