worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
i think i just lost a toe
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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