I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
