my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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