when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
