I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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