Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
