grandma shit on top of the toilet
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We need to get me chipped asap
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
