she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
