It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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