Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
