So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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