I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
