he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
