HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
