Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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