I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
