I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
