i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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