6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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