I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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