During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
