Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
